Raising an emotionally intelligent child: the heart of parenting

by John Gottman, Joan DeClaire

Posted on
parenting relationships

Really fantastic book. Here is a quote that was extremely key for me:

Understand your base of power as a parent. By base of power, I mean the element in the parent-child relationship that makes it possible for parents to set limits on children’s misbehavior, something all kids want and need. For some parents, the base of power is threats, humiliation, or spanking. Others, who are overly permissive, may feel they have no base of power at all. For emotion coaching parents, the base of power is the emotional bond between parent and child. When you are emotionally connected to your child, limit-setting comes out of your genuine reactions to your child’s misbehavior. Your child responds to your anger, disappointment, and worries, so you don’t have to resort to negative consequences such as spanking and time-outs to amplify your feelings. The respect and affection you and your child have for each other become your primary vehicle for limit-setting.