Kyle Roth

The “refrigerator sheet” found here has a nice summary of the 12 strategies presented in this book. This was a great book full of really insightful strategies to approaching mental integration. My only complaint is that they claim the strategies are neuroscientific, when in fact what they’re doing is using brain metaphors to teach real concepts. The left- and right-brain metaphor is taken too far in popular culture, and I think this book over-emphasizes the importance of these metaphors in order to argue for the parenting strategies here. I was especially bothered by how they used the concept of mirror neurons to argue for the sociality of the brain, as if that alone were a sufficient argument that we should teach kids to think about other people. The recommended strategies for teaching kids to see others are “enjoy each other” and “connect through conflict” which, while probably useful, do not depend on mirror neurons in any particular way.

Really fantastic book. Here is a quote that was extremely key for me: Understand your base of power as a parent. By base of power, I mean the element in the parent-child relationship that makes it possible for parents to set limits on children’s misbehavior, something all kids want and need. For some parents, the base of power is threats, humiliation, or spanking. Others, who are overly permissive, may feel they have no base of power at all. For emotion coaching parents, the base of power is the emotional bond between parent and child. When you are emotionally connected to your child, limit-setting comes out of your genuine reactions to your child’s misbehavior. Your child responds to your anger, disappointment, and worries, so you don’t have to resort to negative consequences such as spanking and time-outs to amplify your feelings. The respect and affection you and your child have for each other become your primary vehicle for limit-setting.